Emotions are a difficult thing to manage, especially in leadership. Subordinates look for a steady, calm leader, especially when tension is high. Indeed, there is a time and place for emotions. When feeling particularly sad about someone’s pain or excited to take on a new challenge, there is nothing wrong with emotional leadership. Subordinates want a leader who is authentic, after all. However, when anger is involved, emotions degrade a leader’s effectiveness.
The Challenge of Emotional Control
I, like any other leader, am not immune to emotions. I can feel them build up in me like a burning sensation, especially when I’m angered. I do my best to manage moments like this by not saying things that might be hurtful or by raising my voice. I try to keep my facial expressions neutral as if nothing has happened. I also use phrases to keep from sounding emotional. Here are some scenarios to describe what I’m talking about.
Practical Approaches to Emotional Leadership
Scenario 1: Responding to Unrealistic Expectations
John tells his team that this project must be wrapped up by Friday. Sarah knows this is impossible. As the team lead, she feels angered by this statement. Instead of barking out, “That’s impossible, John!” she pushes her anger aside and offers this:
“Understood, John. Let me huddle with the team and come back to you with our key milestones and timeline.”
This statement, delivered in a calm, reassuring voice, is not an affront. She acknowledges John’s demand but professionally buys some time to return to him with a realistic plan. This allows her to control her anger and return to John professionally.
Scenario 2: Handling Unfair Criticism
Megan criticizes the team after their third-quarter sales performance falls below expectations.
“Team, our sales performance was substandard because of our work-from-home policy.”
Steve takes offense to this, as he knows it is not true. He believes price increases from suppliers and the late introduction of a new CRM application in the second quarter were significant factors. Controlling his emotions, Steve responds:
“Megan, I’d offer this. I believe we struggled with the new CRM application, which contributed to our challenges. I’ll huddle with the team to review this and our work-from-home policy and give you some feedback.”
Steve did not counter Megan aggressively or make excuses. Instead, he acknowledged her assessment and offered to research the issue. While he knows remote work was not the issue, he can at least appease Megan by engaging with his team to make the case that other factors played a role. Moreover, he can explore causes and offer Megan concrete solutions.
Tools for Emotional Mastery
Put some statements and phrases in your quiver. Pull them out when emotions run high. They, along with your demeanor, will help you take the higher ground in everyday workplace scenarios. There is nothing healthy about blowing your top. Keep a lid on it, and use professional, unemotional language.
Make it Personal!
Rob
